Not on task

I have not been on task the last several days, maybe even weeks.  I am not exactly in survival mode (saving that for after the baby is born - ha!) but I just can't seem to get it all together (more than usual).  I am not all there.  Especially at work (my work situation has not improved).  But since my mind is not on display I might just be getting away with it (?).  Even if I am not hiding my indifference or lack of motivation as well as I think I am, I have more pressing matters to attend to at the moment and I simply can't be bothered to make corrections.  Yes, it is that bad.

I am not even on task when sleeping (or trying to sleep).  The vivid, crazy dreams still come and go and they make some nights downright miserable.

I am fortunate to have a husband who really knows me (although I question that sometimes) and a daughter who is happy in her own little world, a world I am so thankful to be a part of, even if I have been on the outside lately.  I am sure that she knows on some level that Mommy is losing it, after all she is one smart cookie, but she is living life to the fullest and it is refreshing to see/experience that kind of joy and enthusiasm day in and day out.  It is a good distraction and a reminder that there is so much more of this to look forward to.

It also helps to hear statements such as, "I'm a boy.  I know about pirate stuff." come out of your husbands mouth.  It makes losing the argument about the pronunciation of gold doubloons more bearable.  It was 2 against 1.

Some days are better than others but for someone like me who is about to have a major life change (and has been praying for other changes) and is carrying some heavy burdens in the midst of a lot of "unknowns", it has been a struggle to keep going lately.

Even trying to take it one day at a time is hard when you aren't on task.

The other white meat

One of Ellen's teachers stopped Phillip in the school parking lot yesterday and said, "Can I ask you a question?"  He started to get a bit nervous but her question ended up being, "Did you have pork chops on Thanksgiving?"  He just laughed and said yes... and went on to explain that since it was just the 3 of us we didn't go to the trouble of making a turkey or getting a ham (or both).   

I can just imagine the teachers asking the kids how their Thanksgiving holiday was and what they ate... and Ellen saying she had pork chops.  They were probably thinking she was a little confused.

It was the first and most likely the last time we will have pork chops on Thanksgiving, I like the traditional meal, but it worked out great for us this year.

Mondays are for missing, especially today

Mondays are hard for a variety of reasons but the main one for me is missing Ellen.  After a couple of days with my little girl the last thing I want to do is leave her bright and early on Monday morning to go to work.  I miss her like crazy all day, every day but Mondays are especially difficult.  One thing that helps me is talking about our weekend.  Phillip and I usually spend our breaks and lunch (and texts) reminiscing about the funny things she said and did, and we have plenty of material.  I love this age.  Ellen is so full of life, so happy, up for anything, talkative, opinionated, animated, loving, thoughtful, creative, sensitive, observant, silly and fun.  She thinks everything is "adorable".  What's not to love?

Today I am also missing my Grandma.  Today is her birthday, she would have been 80 years old.  We recently found this picture of Grandma making her famous noodles circa Thanksgiving 2001 (a Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition).  Phillip and I just stopped what we were doing, looked at the picture and talked about Grandma and her delicious noodles.  Precious Memories.

 Which reminds me of something my sister said at her funeral... [paraphrasing] over the years we [the grandkids] would watch Grandma make her noodles but we only half-heartedly tried to learn how to make them ourselves.  We never wanted to think of a time when she wouldn't be here to make them.

We miss you Grandma. 

Bicycles and Bubbles

One friend to another

Ellen looking longingly at Phillip's Mountain Dew

Ellen:  Daddy, this is what friends do... friends share with friends and they always share with Daddy

Yeah, she got a sip of his drink. She's good.

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Tea Party

Our little artist

Phillip took these this morning and sent them to me.  I know they are having a lot of fun at home despite all of the messes being made that Daddy has to clean up :)

Coke socks for the win

Our Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

It's just the three of us celebrating Thanksgiving together today.  We have had a good day... including such activities as sleeping in (thanks Ellen!), enjoying Pillsbury cinnamon rolls for breakfast (does it get any better?), watching movies, wrapping Christmas presents, pulling out the play doh, cooking and eating, watching football, napping, playing and hanging out.  

We decided to keep our meal simple.  We ate around 12:30.  We had saucy pork chops in the crock pot (one of my favorites), green beans, corn, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, stuffing, rolls and cheery cheese pie for dessert.

 Our main dish bubbling away with a side of 2 dogs basking in the sun

 Everything else... waiting

 Yum!  Not pictured are the 4 rolls I eventually ate - love that Sister Schubert!

Also not pictured, the McCulloughs.  It's 4:38 p.m. and Phillip and I are still in our pajamas.  It has been one of those kinds of days and I am enjoying every moment.

Lets get baking!: Cherry Cheese Pie

Ellen and I made a cherry cheese pie this afternoon (recipe from the Bradshaws).  She is really into baking, especially stirring.  Technically there was no real baking involved this time but we had a lot of fun.

    

By default I have two days off in a row this week.  I worked two days, have two days off and then work two more days.  Ellen and I did some Christmas shopping this morning, ate lunch at Chick-fil-A, shopped some more, went to the grocery store, made the cherry cheese pie and sorted through our Christmas decorations while watching 101 Dalmatians (the one with real people).  She stuffed all of our stockings with ornaments while I was making dinner (taco soup)... I know what I will be doing later this evening.  The night is young but I don't have much more planned, besides maybe wrapping presents (and cleaning up after Ellen).  I am plum worn out.  Ellen didn't take a nap so it will be early to bed for her tonight.  Phillip will be here soon and we are looking forward to his arrival.  He was missed today.

Happy Thanksgiving Eve!

We made the cut!

Today I am Thankful for...

Christmas music on the radio

Lighter than usual traffic

Tylenol

My sister

3 rolls of wrapping paper for $2.17 at Walgreens

Rain

Turkey talk

Second chances

Being married to a genuinely kind man

Subtle and not so subtle reminders that I am not in control

Payment plans for medical bills

Short work weeks

Holiday hustle and bustle

My spirited daughter

A softening heart

Online shopping

Good intentions

Belly Shots

Trust me, you don't want to see any more than this

Pre-Target Treat (as if Target itself is not a treat)

These are from our Target trip on Saturday (not to be confused with our Target trip on Sunday).  We actually left the store without buying anything, which is very rare for us.  We were looking for something specific, I can't remember what exactly, but they didn't have it so we ended up walking out empty handed.

How did we end up at Marble Slab?  When I got home from work I asked Ellen what she wanted to do that afternoon and she said "go get ice cream", which took me by surprise.  I am not big into ice cream myself but we decided it would be kind of fun to go (and we did have a lot of fun).

Spoon?  What spoon?

She really is awesome

She ended up eating every bite of her cake batter ice cream (yuck! - in my opinion)

Not quite the 4 day weekend I had in mind

The last few days have been wild.  I didn't feel well last week but Sunday afternoon was when the fun really began.  Short recap: we were Christmas shopping at Target when my left side started hurting (and eventually the left side of my back).  By the time we got home I was in serious pain.  It hurt to lay down in bed so I settled for the couch.  I threw up several times and really didn't know what to do or what was happening.  It was one of the longest, pain-filled nights of my life.  Phillip took me to the doctor yesterday morning and although we still weren't sure what was going on with me, it was reassuring to know that the baby was fine.  Dr. Barnett thought it might be partially viral and/or possibly have something to do with my kidneys or colon (he prescribed me phenergan for the vomiting and lortab for the pain).

Last night was better, thanks to the drugs, but it was still a long one.  Dr. Barnett called me this morning to let me know that my blood work showed only slightly elevated white blood cells (not sure if I am saying that right) and since I was feeling better he decided to hold off on an antibiotic.  They sent my urine sample to the lab but I won't know those results until tomorrow.  I do feel much better today, just worn out and weak from lack of sleep and food/drink.

I know it was only a couple of days but I really feel like I missed out on being with Ellen.  I was in a major fog.  I would open my eyes and she would be watching Dora.  The next time I opened my eyes she would be playing or coloring.  She would ask me every once in a while if I felt better and all I could say was no.  I couldn't even fake feeling okay for Ellen.  Phillip was a trooper... running between giving Ellen a bath and holding my hair back while I got sick yet again (a sign of true love).  He did so much more than that but he was definitely there for me when I needed him the most (I hate throwing up).

Although it would be nice to know what caused the pain, I am just glad it went away... knock on wood (I am still a little sore but nothing compared to the last 2 days).

Hoping to get a good night's rest in my own bed tonight as I will be going back to work tomorrow.  I'm back in the saddle again whether I want to be or not.

Hanging out in baby sister's room

Pretending to be a baby

(she was "crying" and everything)

Showing off
(she loves being in this crib)

My big girl

Making kids cry, it's what I do

In honor of hibernation, today was pajama day at Ellen's school.  Her class has been learning/talking about hibernation all week long and this was the final "lesson" so to speak.  In addition to wearing pajamas the kids were allowed to bring a stuffed animal from home, one that hibernates, to share with the class.  Pajamas and a special animal... double the fun!  Ellen chose to bring mama and baby rabbit (I don't even know if rabbits hibernate) and naturally she wanted to wear her new ballerina pajamas. 

When we walked into her classroom this morning we saw one of her buddies and fellow pajama wearers, Brennan, eating breakfast.  He looked at Ellen and said, "Are those pajamas?"  He was very skeptical.  I think the pink tutu threw him off.  Sometimes Ellen acts as if she has never seen these kids before in her life so to encourage a little conversation I told her to ask Brennan what hibernation animal he brought for show and tell.  Next thing I know he is running toward the door calling for his Daddy who had just left.  They reunited in the hallway.  Apparently he forgot to bring an animal and apparently this really upset him.  It appeared I had caused a bit of a ruckus.  I decided that was the perfect time for me to leave.  Fight or flight?  I chose flight.

In quiet moments throughout the day I could still hear Brennan crying out "Daddy!" and it hurt every single time.

In keeping with tradition

I had a good day off yesterday.  I worked around the house most of the day, which was my plan, and it felt good to be productive.  Ellen did end up watching more TV than usual but she also took a nap (victory!) so I was able to get quite a bit done while she slept.

I...

• Put away the Halloween decorations
• Looked through and organized a few bags of hand-me-downs we were recently given (the reason Ellen ended up wearing a sleeveless dress and sandals all day)
• Organized Ellen's clothes and shoes (packed up what no longer fits her)
• Removed 3 large storage containers filled with baby stuff from the top of Ellen's closet and incorporated their contents into the nursery as best I could.  Ellen's room is now officially baby free.
• Cleaned a small white cart that we had in the laundry room and put it in the nursery for storage.  It fits perfectly between the crib and the wall, which was previously wasted space.
• Laundry - washed, folded and put away several loads of clothes
• Organized Ellen's Christmas presents.  I shopped for her in advance to spread out the spending and hid everything in the closet in the nursery... which has been used strictly for storage for the past few years and is filled to capacity.  Cleaning out that closet is my next big project and I figured I would start with the presents.
• Organized/cleaned out a few junk drawers and random storage bins... made almost 2 bags of trash from my findings
• Signed 64 Christmas cards (and put address labels and stamps on some as well).  I probably shouldn't be admitting that but while cleaning yesterday I came across 4 boxes of cards I bought last year to use this year and thought I might as well get started (I think I have a few more boxes in with the Christmas decorations).  We probably only mail about 20 cards but we give out a lot at church and it takes quite a bit of time to get them all ready.  I am all about doing anything I can now to make things easier on me later... there's no time like the present!

I think that is about it.  I was worn out by the time Phillip got home!  We gave Ellen an early bath and went to church for the meal.  It was nice to sit down after being on my feet most of the day.

Besides trying to get the house in order, not much else is happening in our neck of the woods.  Ellen has pajama day tomorrow (in celebration of hibernation) and her school pictures are next week (Christmas themed) along with her Thanksgiving luncheon.  Phillip is doing well... he is wearing my favorite shirt today so he better watch out!

November is shaping up to be a great month so far.

Monday always comes way too fast

We had a nice weekend.  Saturday, after baking pumpkin brownies (as previously posted) and eating way too much bacon (the real thing this time), we decided to check out The Avenue in Murfreesboro (a big shopping area, kind of like an outdoor outlet mall except the stores are not outlets).  We went to several children's clothing stores (we bought Ellen a few things at Osh Kosh but that was the extent of the damage done), ate lunch at Culvers (for the first time) and then hit up Old Navy, Hallmark, Barnes & Noble and World Market.  Ellen kept saying, "Let's do one more fun thing."  She did not want to leave, even after 5 hours of shopping and walking around (I can't blame her, it was a beautiful day and we were having a lot of fun).  She crashed on the way back but Phillip still managed to get her to take a nap when we got home, which does not happen very often when she falls asleep in the car.  That late afternoon nap meant she woke up at dinnertime and didn't go to bed until almost 10:00.  I figured the late night coupled with the time change might cause her to sleep in Sunday morning... wrong!  Ellen was in our room at 5:00 requesting breakfast and a show.  We met Kendra for lunch on Sunday and then despite having a million things on our "To Do" list, we all three took a long nap.  We did manage to make a quick trip to the grocery store and do a few loads of laundry before it was all said and done but the house is still a mess and really needs to be cleaned.  I know what I will be doing on my day off this week.

Thinking back, it really was a good weekend.  Monday always comes way too fast.

Cheeky Snail

Me:  It is time to be quiet and get some rest.
Ellen:  But I am full of talking.

Me:  Tomorrow we are going to a city you have never been to before... Murfreesboro.
Ellen:  What language do they speak there?

On the way to daycare yesterday morning...
Me:  I guess no one is in a hurry to get anywhere today (this is after I yelled at the car in front of us).
Ellen:  Mommy, they are just waiting for the light to turn green.  There is no reason to panic.  (We were at a 2-way stop but point well taken.)

After eating a ring pop... regarding her shockingly blue mouth...
Ellen:  I like it because my eyes are blue and it matches

Let's get baking!

 I found a recipe for chocolate chip pumpkin bars (we are calling them brownies) and decided to give it a try.  Ellen woke up before 6:00 this morning but we waited until around 7:30 to get started.  She was so excited.  I rarely bake so it was fun but also hectic, especially with Little Miss Grab Hands as a helper.  Hope they taste as good as they smell... shouldn't be long now.

(picture quality = bad; anything with chocolate chips = good)

By the way, she loves these ballerina pajamas

Stirring - her favorite thing to do

Secret ingredient

Approved!

She's a Midnight Crawler (amongst other things)

Or more specifically she's a 3 a.m. crawler.  Ellen woke up in the wee hours Monday morning and came in our room to use the bathroom (her toilet is still broken).  She does her business and then goes back to her room.  No problem.  She then proceeds to be awake for the next 2+ hours... happily singing, chatting, playing in her bed.  Problem!  I could not sleep knowing she was awake (plus I could hear her loud and clear).  I went in her room several times, I called out to her to go to sleep, I sent Phillip into her room... nothing worked.  Every time she got quiet and I just knew she was finally asleep (victory!), she would start up again.  It was a wild night.  Later as Phillip and I swapped stories we discovered that she had asked us both to swaddle her night night "like Baby Bunting"... she was having a grand old time in the middle of the night and we were unknowingly playing along.

Me:  Ellen, there is going to be a costume contest tonight at Trunk or Treat
Ellen:  (her eyes light up)  I am good at contests!

As Phillip brought Ellen a glass of water at bedtime one night last week...
Ellen:  Is this water cold and refreshing?

On Sunday night at church, after Trunk or Treat, Ellen asked me if we could sit in Hannah's row (we usually sit a couple of pews in front of her).  I asked Mindy if that was okay and she was fine with it.  By the way, this made Ellen so happy.  Before services started I "challenged" Hannah and Ellen to find my name in the church bulletin (they both had one).  As an "expectant mother" I am on the prayer list and my name is in the bulletin every Sunday (my temporary claim to fame, along with my cleavage).  Phillip gives them a few hints and Hannah ends up finding it first.  Ellen sees it and says to Phillip, "I found Mommy's name next to my last name".  Good thing we were singing at the time because I started laughing so hard I thought I was going to have to leave.

Ellen is often "too busy" to do what we ask her to do.  Further proof she is a very important person.

Ellen loves the bright pink Mary Jane Crocs that Savannah passed down to her.  They are a little too big and when she wears them without socks they give her blisters.  But that doesn't stop her from wanting to wear them 24/7 (even with us reminding her about the blisters).  She now calls them her blister shoes.  It's funny to hear her ask, "Mommy, can I wear my pink blister shoes?".