When Ellen first went to daycare, at 7 weeks old, I dropped her off every morning and Phillip picked her up in the afternoons/early evenings. He knew drop off was rough for me but it wasn't until he started taking her to school that he realized just how much it stinks. It is hard leaving her and it is such a long day. It was a little easier when we both took her (and picked her up) but now that I am the lone dropper offer, I find myself in tears as I drive to work. Especially when we have had a rough morning at home, including crying and irrational behavior, and she tells me she doesn't want to go to school and the car ride, although short, ends up being just as miserable. These are the mornings I question just about every decision we have made and wonder if we are doing the right thing. Then I call Phillip and tell him all about it and I feel better. There is always something to laugh about - something she did or said - and that helps too.
This morning was an especially challenging one. Ellen wanted to be beautiful and wear a skirt (she was already dressed in shorts and a tank top), she wanted different shoes, she wanted a tattoo (temporary, of course), she wanted to stay home, she didn't want to listen to music, she didn't want the windows rolled down... she could not be satisfied. For the first time ever there was nothing cute or funny to report to Phillip. Not today.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning, and for that I am thankful.
2 comments:
I remember those days, and eventually had enough (feeling bad all day, and the GUILT!). I eventually decided to stay home even if it meant sitting in the dark, eating beans 3 times a day. It didn't work out on paper, but somehow worked out!!! I stayed home after my second when daycare costs for 2 in diapers was really cutting into my salary. Add to that gas to work, clothes, lunches out, etc...and never regretted. Now my oldest has just graduated from Harding. Good luck to you!!
I love the relationship you and Phillip share - how you support each other, encourage one another, cheer one another... that alone is the greatest gift you could ever give Ellen. You are doing nothing wrong, my friend. Be proud of all you do and all you exemplify for your daughter. You earn more and more of my admiration with every post. Love you.
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